BREAKING NEWS !!
Sensational news has just emerged from Sri Lanka. It has been confirmed by the Sri Lankan government that Muralidharan, Malinga & Sangakkara have come out with a joint statement announcing their retirement on the eve of the world cup final against India on Saturday. The trio has been famously tormented by the Indian batsmen & bowlers on the field in various encounters. Off the field, on their recent trips to India, they have complained bitterly against the quality of Rasam served during the innings break. Malinga has been especially vocal that the lack of Sri Lankan chillies in the Rasam drastically reduces the violent twitching in his delivery action, thus rendering his otherwise lethal yorkers impotent.
Originally they wanted to announce their retirement right at the finish of India Pakistan semi-final. However, they were reportedly counselled by Ricky Ponting that such an announcement, within minutes of the news emerging that they will have to play against India, will sound very hasty and cowardly. Muralidharan and Australians, being old pals, have a lot of trust in each other – so this prudent advice seems to have been taken well.
It has also emerged that Darrell Hair had called Murali repeatedly. When he finally got through to Murali, he advised him of a much more subtle option. He reminded him of the good old days they spent together in 1995 and seems to have suggested that he could start bending his elbow more than 5 degrees at the time of delivery and hope that Simon Taufel would call him for no balls. This would force Sangakarra to take him out of the attack. He and Sangakkara can then leave the field together on the pretext of Sangakarra offering to coach Murali in the confines of the VIP lounge. But since Malinga would have had no part in this plan, he threatened to spill the beans. On hearing this threat, this plan was hastily rejected.
Many other options were mulled as well. These ranged from pretending that their passports have been mislaid, sudden allergic reaction to the sea breeze and lack of appropriately skilled hairdressers in India. But in the end, they decided to face it like men – and offered the real reason. The Sri Lankan cricket board responded spectacularly to this news by calling Chaminda Vaas from semi-retirement. Having been left out of all international cricket since 2009, he had recently been considering a move to become a commentator and follow in the illustrious footsteps of Sourav Ganguly and torment TV viewers the world over. But he seems to have accepted the offer, but on the condition that he would travel first class from Colombo to Mumbai, via Dubai. As this would ensure he can keep his Silver frequent flyer membership status with Sri Lankan Airways. One slight glitch has emerged though. He apparently had sold his cricket shoes in an online auction and is now trying to trace the buyer. The Sri Lankan board are not too perturbed by this. They are quite confident that their request for a last minute replacement will definitely be rejected by the ICC. Since Vaas, will be spending all his time in sitting in the pavilion anyway, so whether he gets to the stadium with or without shoes is quite irrelevant.
The timing of this news is certainly intriguing and has left many cricket enthusiasts and experts puzzled. The Indian cricket team is quite nonchalant about this. However the most affected seems to be Andy Zaltzman, the Cricinfo writer. He had hoped to meet with his childhood hero Malinga to ask him the secret of his lovely tresses by inviting him to be the chief guest in the ‘Let your hair down‘ party planned to celebrate India’s victory.
Don’t fret Andy. Try and catch him during the IPL.
p.s : This article is written purely in pun and should be treated / viewed in the same vein.